Now Accepting Freshly Deceased Tokens

Pump Funeral Home

A proper send-off for every five-minute chart that promised Valhalla, printed one candle too late.

CA pending burial permit

Memorial Wall

Beloved charts, remembered as they wished to be drawn.

Born 14:02 - Died 14:07

Sir Greenwick Candle III

Survived by 412 screenshots, three diamond-hand vows, and one wallet that bought the top with conviction.

Born 21:18 - Died 21:22

The Community Takeover That Never Arrived

Known for its brave pinned message, tasteful chart promises, and an unusually quiet Telegram after minute four.

Born 03:31 - Died 03:36

Liquidity, Dearly Departed

Left this world peacefully, surrounded by open tabs, refresh buttons, and several people typing “dev?”

Official Certificate of Pump Passing

No. 0005M

Name of asset: To be whispered at launch

Last known location: Pump trenches

Primary symptom: Candle went horizontal

Recommended treatment: One tasteful memorial bid

PFH

Guestbook

Leave flowers. Take receipts. Copy CA when the burial notice updates.